Saturday, 14 May 2011

Two in a day. I'm going for a record here.
And no, that's not what she said.
Today has been a pretty fruitful day revision wise, over two hours of media text practice and two hours of poetry, or as some would call it, a close encounter with suicide/ being provoked to have thoughts of self immolation during the upcoming English exam. But oh well, as I've said, it will be worth it 100fold when I can enjoy never having to do English again, and can instead spend my time watching 50 cent films. Speaking of which, I may have some more quotes later on.

I would post some more cynical English tips but my brain has been melted, so maybe more tomorrow, when it has solidified a bit more.

On a slightly related note, I have decided to start Catch-22 today, one of the great 20th century classics. Although I'm not sure how it will actually go, I've only read four pages...

Rather stupidly, I left my charger behind when transporting the laptop which I usually post from, so this is Posted from my iPod, with sillily small 'buttons' for my fat fingers, so apologies for any spelling errors.

Is anyone watching the eurovision? It's recording at the moment and I plan on watching it soon, I hope there is a healthy dose of ridiculous European techno music. I think it ends at ten, the time I must flee from my domain of Facebook as to avoid the result! I haven't heard jedward or blue yet, both of which should ensue many lulz, there's nothing I enjoy more than watching talentless bellends make even more of a bellend of themselves infront of the whole of Europe.

But anyways, I'd better shut up now, I fear I'm boring you. This happens when I have nothing better to do with my Time, and my iPod is really beginning to piss me off, so before I defenestrate my Ipod, goodbye!

- Colm

Fool-proof English Ideas

When revising English, I cant help but notice that the same phrases seem to come up again and again, and the general theory seems to be, with English at least, throw enough shit, and some will stick.

Here are some of these phrases:

  • "The use of the [Insert any ridiculous adjective] imagery..."

e.g, Owen's use of macabre imagery places the reader in the shoes of the soldier, helping them to envision life on the front, evoking feelings of sympathy, and exposing them to the true horrors of war.

This point has been one which has caused a great deal of humour in the past two years, with an almost unanimous favourite being when our English teacher told us that when Romeo says, "God! Direct my sail" there is navigational imagery... sigh.
Although on my last day, whilst getting my shirt signed, I requested that she (our English teacher) wrote me a message on imagery, the resultant writing was;
"Everything, Colm, can be a type of imagery. 'It paints a picture in your head'"
  •   Enjambment increases narrative flow (when you have nothing left to say, this will always do)
e.g,  Nichol's use of enjambment increases the narrative flow of the poem, reflecting the flow of the ocean which he fondly remembers, showing the strength of his memory.

  •  ...which increases the scale and importance of the article. (I found myself writing this a worrying amount when doing the media texts.)
e.g, The opinion, ""We hope that the findings of our study will help people to think seriously", is presented - showing the scale of the issue, and adding a sense of urgency and importance to the article.

I'll post more as I think of them, and till then, have fun revising! ;D

- Colm

Friday, 6 May 2011

Some Rocks What are on top of Each Other

Arranged and taken to imitate a piece of, "Andy Goldsworthy's" which was combined with Geraint through the "Zigguraty" look, or something like that...
As exams draw closer, I cant help but be filled with a sense of calm. At this stage, I know I've revised and am in with a good chance of doing well for myself, but I really just want to get them out of the way! This brings me on to my next point, that the most anticipated day of my life is coming up (apart from maybe muse), a day where I will be filled with an inordinate joy, which will only be able to be expressed through the medium of rave raping David, or something to that effect. Either way, I don't think I will be able to keep quiet for the extra time people; when I finally leave the exam hall, after sitting all of my English exams! The most hated of all the compulsory subjects! The cancer rotting my brain, and corrupting my view on all book, films, and many other things, with its analytical nonsense! Finally, its reign of terror will be over! Until then comrades, stay strong, and continue marching to our goal of being able to approach a newspaper and think, "Damn, I bet there's a load of facts and opinions in those articles" then laugh in the face of it, as you do not need to know about them, nor their emotive devices, techniques and aims! You can think of all the shite poetry that will now breeze past you completely unnoticed, their life failures being realised as now that we no longer have to study them, there is no one to read them! Who even reads poetry anyways... in fact, who even writes poetry?! I will never understand. Either way, it will all be over soon, and we will be saved from the, "fire and blood and anguish" of A-Level english... or at least some of us will be.

Until this beautiful day I will rebel against the system by sharing with you some rather hilarious slaughterings of the English language, courtesy of 50 Cent, I would analyse them, but I really cant be arsed at the moment, maybe rap analysis will come in the summer... But anyways, here are but some of the many quotes my friends and I gathered from just a couple of hours of playing "Mr. Cent's" outstanding *ahem* video game, "50 Cent: Blood on the Sand":

  • "Step up pussies!"
  • "Yo Fifty, flank these fools!"
  • "Crazy bitches got RPGs up in there!"
  • "Piece of fucking shit!" (one of the more tasteful "taunts" of the game)
  • "I'm on the back seat fondlin' ya' bitch, Nigga!"
Thats all for now, thanks for reading my senseless rants and love of 50 Cent...

- Colm

Sunday, 1 May 2011

Trolling the Saatchi

Close up of aforementioned banana

Whilst considering how much of a fallacy art is today, I remembered going on a trip organised by the wonderful Connor O'Shea, to many museums, one of which was the Saatchi museum, which seemed to pumped up to the roof with utter bullshit. In an amazing ploy of revenge at the art system which had angered me so much, I decided that one of the installations was so ridiculous that no one would notice if I put a banana alongside it. So, I got one of the leaflets for the museum, opened it to the middle, and place a banana -which had been in my pocket, annoying me all day- on top of it.

Added to the arrangement

I then waited for a quiet moment, and in mock observation, subtly bent down to place the banana on the floor. No one noticed for the whole duration I was there, and loudly announcing, "I wonder what the significance of the banana is" got many inquisitive nods of agreement from the people looking at the piece, and a few photos from a crowd of oriental tourists.

Banana in the distance
Unfortunately, after the security guard took two circuits of the ground floor, he noticed the problem and removed it, but hey; it was good while it lasted... and to be honest I can't say I would notice the difference if there was a banana there, one of the installations even had a croissant hanging from a rope.

On a slightly unrelated note, one of the few good things I saw in that museum was simply a room full of oil. It took me a while to figure it out, and at first I thought it was just an empty room, that was twice as deep as the others, but I soon saw that it was a reflection of the roof, and the smell gave it away too. That and the sign saying it was a room full of oil...

- Colm